Should I text him? Should I text her?
The question is the same whoever you're texting: whose turn is it, how long has it been, and what do you want? If they asked you something, reply. If you sent the last message, one light follow-up is fine; after that, the next move is theirs. And if you just want to talk to them, texting first is never a mistake.
How long should you wait to text back?
Forget the “three-day rule”. Timing games make people anxious, not interested.
- 1Reply when you have a moment and something to say: the same day is great, a day later is fine.
- 2If you're slow, a quick “sorry, busy week!” clears it up.
- 3For a follow-up to an unanswered message, one or two days is a relaxed gap.
- 4Late at night, tired or upset? Write it now, send it tomorrow.
What to text when they haven't replied
Don't repeat yourself or ask why they didn't answer. Start something new and make it easy to reply to:
- This made me think of you: [something specific]. How's your week going?
- No pressure! Still up for a drink this week?
- Quick one, and be honest: beach or mountains?
Signs they want you to text
- ✓ They ask you questions back, not just answer yours.
- ✓ Their replies are about as long and warm as yours.
- ✓ They mention plans or things to do together.
- ✓ They reply late but apologise, or pick the conversation up again.
- ✓ They start conversations too, not only you.
When not to text
- ✕ They asked you not to contact them, or blocked you.
- ✕ You've sent two or three messages in a row without a reply.
- ✕ You're angry, drunk or it's 2 am.
- ✕ You want a reaction, not a conversation.
Texting after a first date
If you had a good time, say so the same day or the next: “I had a really good time. Want to do it again this week?” It's warm, clear and easy to answer. If you're not interested, a short, kind message is better than disappearing.